When you hold your child in your arms for the first time, so many questions flash before you. What will their passions be? How can I help them to become the person God created them to be? Can I truly be capable of parenting such a precious gift?
Every year of Lilly’s life, I find myself reevaluating. How can I be a better parent for her? Is this activity something she likes or is it something I want her to like?
One of the biggest turmoils for me has been working from home. There is a battle of time that pulls at my soul. I constantly have to choose where my time is being spent. There is so much guilt. Guilt I am not spending enough time with Lilly, guilt I am not doing enough for my job. It is something I think every parent can relate to in one way or another.
Over the years, I developed a pretty rigid schedule that allowed me to accomplish the things I needed to while Lilly was in preschool…that is…until COVID hit us like a ton of bricks. Yet, I still feel so blessed to have been in the situation we were in. I still was able to work from home, and those long but short months of having Lilly all to myself were so appreciated. The slowness. It was something new and needed.
Then school was quickly upon us. Never in my wildest imagination would I have pictured Lilly starting school (Kindergarten) during a pandemic. Once again those questions crept into my head.
More than ever, I think parents are questioning their decisions. There are so many of them right now. Do I quit my job to teach my kid virtually? Do I send my kids to school? Do I keep them at home? How will the school be safe? Man…this is some DEEP STUFF we are wading through.
I think for my husband and me, the decision for Lilly ultimately came down to two things:
- She is currently an only child. School is so important for Lilly to not only learn from her teachers but also how to communicate with her peers.
- We have been so blessed to be able to send Lilly to a private school that has taken such great measures to ensure the safety of the students and staff.
But I would be lying if I didn’t feel a tug at my heartstrings every single day as I wave to her as the bus pulls away from our driveway. I would be feeling that way anyway, but now more so than ever, the “mom worry” is so present.
That worry is replaced with so much amazement when Lilly comes home from school. Even in just the short week she has been in school, she has grown so much. She comes home happy and tired, but excited to share all about her day.
These are new times we are living through. I don’t know what the future holds which I think is probably the scariest part of all of this…but…the two things I know for sure are: kids are so much more insightful and resilient than we could ever imagine (and teachers are amazing people) and that no one knows your family better than you do. Trust the Lord and trust your heart to make the right decisions.
Praying that your kiddos have a safe, healthy, and amazing year at school. It may look different than we pictured it, but sometimes the unplanned moments become those that help us grow the most.
xoxo,
Kalyn
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